Left To Be Said
by ForeverLilacLies
Summary: Itachi came to him in the middle of the night with a request. Kakashi couldn't turn him away. Not for this. Pre-massacre.


**This is not a fluffy KakaIta.**

 **Warning: Underage**

* * *

Konoha was nothing more than a festering wound. Uchiha Sasuke had brought this to light and Danzo would pay for his crimes. In the end however, it did not bring Itachi back. It instead left many who had known him, wondering where they had failed him and Sasuke. Kakashi in particular had been unable to let go of the past. Even with Obito gone and the world slowly returning to normal, Itachi haunted him. Now, it was time for Kakashi to tell Sasuke the truth. A secret he had kept for years. For all the good and noble intention the Leaf village presented, there was a dark underbelly that would have given people nightmares. There were missions that haunted people to this day. Missions that were now forbidden by Tsunade. The Village Hidden in the Leaf had come a long way in the last few years.

Often times Kakashi found himself wondering about Itachi. About his actions and what he had become. Kakashi wondered if there could have been anything he could have done to stop the boy. If there had been any signs. Itachi was closed off and let no one in. Only once had Kakashi seen the Uchiha vulnerable and he wondered if he had failed Itachi in that moment. It was winter and Sasuke and him were leaning against the railing of the bridge, watching the water pass by. Kakashi huffed a breath and watched it lift into the chilled air. Sasuke was silent beside him, running his finger down the chipped paint as if finding it fascinating.

"Sasuke." Kakashi breathed out and the boy turned his head minutely.

"There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"Then talk." Sasuke replied, looking at the chipped paint again. Kakashi clasped his hands in front of him, sighting lightly.

"It's not something I should talk about out in the open...it's about Itachi." At the mention of his beloved brother's name, Sasuke's attention focused on the Copy nin, dark eyes narrowing.

"What about him?" He asked, tone soft. Kakashi pushed off the railing.

"Come on, we'll talk somewhere more private." He did not look to check if Sasuke was following; he didn't need to. When they got to Kakashi's apartment, Kakashi offered Sasuke a seat the the table, but the boy remained standing, arms crossed.

"You wanted to talk, so talk." Sasuke never was one for patience. He stared at Kakashi and the elder was taken by how much he looked like his brother and how little. Itachi had a softness about him, even when he was believed to be loyal to the Akatsuki. At seventeen his face still held a childlike roundness to it around the jaw. Those eyelashes of his did not help with his cold hearted murderer look and his hair had been soft and flowing. Sasuke at seventeen was all hard angles, his hair just as unruly as he was. However, those eyes were all too familiar, bottomless and lovely. He had none of the patience his brother had and fixed his former sensei with a cold stare, silently demanding that he start talking. Kakashi rubbed his temples and slumped at the kitchen table, running his fingers over the worn surface.

"He came to me one night…before the massacre…" Kakashi slowly began, Sasuke watching him with rapt attention. "He had been given a mission…"

* * *

Years before, Kakashi sat at the very same table, staring unseeingly at his reports, hoping for a distraction. Genma and Gai had already come over to have drinks, but now it was just work… That's when there was a soft knock on his door, and Kakashi leaped to his feet, happy for the needed distraction. He would find quickly, that he would rather have stayed with his reports. Itachi had come to him in the middle of the night looker paler than normal. He had a light jacket pulled over his shoulders, but it did little with the harsh coldness of the night. It was less than a year until the massacre.

"Itachi? What's up?" Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest as he curiously stared down at his teammate. Itachi did not look Kakashi in the eye, instead averting his gaze to the tree line. His hair was mused, his normal red hair tie he wore was gone. It left him looking even younger than his thirteen years.

"I apologize for dropping in on you like this, but I was hoping to be able to speak to you." Itachi looked surprisingly embarrassed and Kakashi raised a brow.

"Speak away." He indicated to Itachi to speak and the boy licked his lips.

"I am to be sent to Iwa for a mission. Danzo-sama has told me that I will have to engage with a target directly."

"And?" Kakashi rose a brow and Itachi finally looked at him, expression haggard.

"In a sexual manner." Itachi finally explained and Kakashi released a low breath, arms uncrossing.

"Oh." Was all he could manage and Itachi looked away, fingers gripping at his sleeves. It was very late and no one was around, but that didn't stop the Uchiha from glancing around to be sure.

"I am told that I will have to sleep with this man and I find myself at a loss. I've never slept with anyone before." Itachi's voice trailed off as he suddenly studied his toes as if finding them very interesting. Itachi was twelve. He shouldn't be sleeping with anyone. Kakashi awkwardly scratched the back of his head, shifting his wait onto his left foot.

"Itachi…this is hardly something…" Kakashi seemed at a loss of words and he studied his cup of tea in distress. "This isn't going to be an easy mission and I can't say I agree with the notion of you sleeping with a full grown man."  
How was he suppose to offer any advice about this? Itachi lifted his head, the slender slope of his jaw seemed to be illuminated in the moonlight.

"I wanted to go to Shisui, but he has not returned from his mission. Kakashi, I know this is unorthodox and please stop me whenever, but I need your help." Itachi sounded almost distraught that Shisui had not been there.

"My help?" Kakashi repeated softly, staring at the boy. Itachi looked away again, staring blankly at the rows of buildings in the distance.

"Kakashi…I am afraid. Actually truly afraid. I have never been with anyone. I am twelve. I hardly expected to have to be. I don't know what to do, but Danzo-sama expects me to pleasure this man. I understand sacrifice is necessary and expected in our field of work, but I am so afraid." The boy's voice trailed off at the last words, until it was barely a whisper. Itachi would never have admitted to fearing something."Part of me…well all of me does not want to have my first experience being with some perverted old man who would use me. I know it sounds trite and fanciful, but I would rather have my first experience be with someone I can trust."

"Itachi…" Kakashi began and Itachi faced him, eyes wide and shining, his jaw was set in determination.

"You don't have to say yes. But I still will ask…will you sleep with me?" His voice was steady and although Kakashi had been expecting the question, it still was like a punch to the gut. Kakashi didn't dare move, and continued to stare blankly at the Uchiha as the boy's words processed in his mind. 12 year old, Uchiha Itachi was coming to him for sex. A 12 year old was...Itachi stared at him silently. He blinked once, throat bobbing. When Kakashi offered no response, Itachi nodded and turned away. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have asked...it was ignorant of me." He moved to edge down the stairs, hand gripping the railing as he prepared to make a run for it when Kakashi's hand shot forward to grasp his arm. Itachi was practically shaking in his grip, face ashen.  
"Itachi, You can't understand what you're asking of me." His grip on Itachi was firm and he lightly pulled Itachi back up the steps, forcing the boy to face him.

"I do though," Itachi whispered, staring at his feet with furrowed brows. "I'm asking you to do something unorthodox and rash. It was stupid of me to ask something like this of you." He tugged at his arm, but Kakashi refused to release him. He quickly knelt down and took Itachi's hands in his own.

"You came to me because you didn't think you could go to anyone else. I'm your Captain, Itachi. I'm nearly ten years older than you."He stared up at the boy and the angle looked like he was proposing to the Uchiha. Itachi nodded his head, shaking slowing down. He knelt down across from the Copy nin and clasped his hand in his own.

"I know and I'm sorry for putting you into such a position. I just…" Itachi looked down, suddenly appearing distressed. "I am afraid and I don't want to be." At this tiny admittance, something in Kakashi's chest broke. Itachi was terrified, and he didn't have anyone else to turn to. Shisui would have said yes. Shisui would have done anything to help his cousin. How could Kakashi turn him away when he was so desperate? Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut. Child seduction was not something that was commonly done anymore. There was no reason to send a twelve year old out to sleep with someone. There was no need...but Danzo was always an opportunist.

"Sleeping with me won't help, Itachi. It won't make what you will have to do any easier." Kakashi gently explained and Itachi nodded.

"I understand that. My hope is...I know this will sound stupid and childish...I know my duty, Captain, but if I must do it I would rather have my first experience be my choice. I just want control of this one thing." Itachi looked away again and Kakashi could understand exactly why Itachi was here. His life had been dictated for him for so long, and Itachi only wanted to have some control.

"Alright," Kakashi finally relented. "I'll do it." Itachi's eyes widened at this and he opened his mouth to speak, but Kakashi ushered him into the apartment, quickly glancing around the make sure no one had overheard them. Once he was satisfied, he closed and locked the door before turning to face Itachi. The Uchiha was standing in the middle of the living room, hands clasped in front of him as he waited for Kakashi to look at him.

"Captain, I-" He began but Kakashi shook his head.

"I can't do this if you remind me of who exactly I am and what I'm about to do to you." His voice came out sharper than he intended but he couldn't bring himself to apologize.

"I'm sorry." Itachi replied softly and Kakashi pretended he hadn't heard him. He strode by the boy and opened the door to his bedroom, nausea rising in his stepped aside and indicated for Itachi to enter. He followed the boy, closing he door behind them, not bothering to turn on the lights. There was a small strip of light from the street lamp outside and the darkness could almost help Kakashi pretend that there wasn't a twelve year old in his bedroom.

"Go sit on the bed." Kakashi murmured, feeling incredibly unsure about what to do or say and Itachi moved to do as he was told, sitting on the edge of the bed with his hands clasped in his lap. Kakashi undressed mechanically, tossing his clothes aside. His mind was reeling. This was a child sitting on his bed. A kid...and he was expected to seduce some creep? He could barely look at the boy. He didn't feel like he was helping itachi. He felt like he was about to rip away his last tie to childhood. When Kakashi was undressed, he finally forced himself to face Itachi and quietly motioned for him to undress. Itachi did so gracefully, folding his pants and shirt and setting them aside. He hesitated with his underwear. He was afraid to take away his final barrier and Kakashi felt like a monster. Itachi finally did so and set his underwear down. Kakashi averted his gaze, staring at Itachi's face.

"Now, if at any point you want me to stop, just tell me. This is going to be at your pace. You can stop this at anytime." Kakashi desperately hoped that Itachi would. Kakashi avoided staring and indicated for Itachi to lay down.

The boy hesitantly lay out over the covers, dark hair spilling and contrasting against the white sheets. In five years or so, Kakashi knew Itachi would grow to be a beautiful man. In five years he would have men and women falling over themselves to get his attention. In five years, Kakashi probably would have welcomed the boy to his bed with vigor and glee. Now, he only looked small and uncertain. Kakashi crawled after him and Itachi's eyes followed his every move. Kakashi moved up Itachi's body, reaching for the drawer next to the bed and rummaging for the lubricant. It was a small bottle, that had not been used for sometime. Now, it was going to be used on Kakashi's youngest ANBU teammate. Kakashi wondered if he would even be able to get hard with this knowledge. He was as gentle as possible with his touches, but Itachi jerked none the less at the first stroke of his thighs.

"I'm sorry." Itachi murmured and Kakashi's hand moved to stroke his bangs from his eyes. He felt like he should kiss him, be gentle and kind. But Itachi was not his lover.

"You're fine. Don't apologize." Kakashi dipped his fingers into the lubricant, coating his fingers. Itachi lay back and allowed Kakashi to spread his legs, the elder dazedly noted that there was still no pubic hair ad his stomach lurched in disgust for Danzo. "This is going to feel weird, just stay relaxed." Kakashi murmured and Itachi nodded, staring at the ceiling. Kakashi's hand moved between Itachi's legs, eyes averted. He felt the boy tense at the first intrusion and reached out with his free hand to rub Itachi's bare shoulder.

"You need to relax, okay?" Kakashi hummed, reaching for Itachi's hand.

"Just hold onto me. I'm going to make it as comfortable as possible."

"Thank you." Itachi replied, squeezing Kakashi's free hand in his own. Kakashi moved his fingers and Itachi released a low breath, brows furrowed as the man's fingers moved inside him. Itachi was tight even now. There was no way he could comfortably take anything bigger. What was Danzo thinking?

"Am I hurting you?" Kakashi asked and Itachi shook his head.

"No, it just feels odd." He replied and Kakashi nodded in understanding. He reached forward to drag his pillow, hoping to make Itachi more situated Itachi against the pillow and slowly moved his fingers.

"It helps to prepare someone before sex. It won't hurt as much of they are lubricated well." Kakashi explained. Itachi nodded at Kakashi's explanation and turned to tuck his head against Kakashi's shoulder as the man slowly moved his fingers. It was like he was hiding. Kakashi wanted this to feel nice for Itachi. He wanted his first time to not be cold and efficient, but he couldn't bring himself to reach for the boy's penis. He couldn't bring himself to kiss him, but he could be gentle. Itachi released a gasp as Kakashi curled his fingers, hand gripping the sheet. Kakashi nearly smiled at this, instead adding a third finger. Itachi was flaccid. Was he even old enough to get hard? Itachi seemed to catch where Kakashi's mind was wandering because he reached up, fingers hesitantly touching Kakashi's shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I...I guess my body isn't very responsive." The boy managed, looking down in embarrassment and Kakashi hushed him reassuringly. He needed to stop apologizing. Whoever Itachi would be forced to sleep with would not take well to it. He gently pulled his fingers free and moved Itachi's added more lubricant, coating himself. Itachi was spread out beneath him, soft and nervous. His fingers were curled into fists at his side. How could anyone expect this child to have sex? Kakashi reached for Itachi's hand, hoping that holding it would help anchor him. Instead, he was horrified to discover how tiny the Uchiha's hand was in his own. Kakashi's own nearly engulfed his, Itachi's fingers were thin, dainty and so childish. Kakashi found himself staring at them, noting that Itachi kept them filed, but his pinky had a smudge of dirt on the side. Kakashi brought that little hand to his face and pressed it hard against his tight lipped mouth, eyes squeezed shut as he tried to control his breathing. Itachi watched him in quiet concern, finally Kakashi reached for Itachi and sat him up, tilting his head back so he could stare into his eyes.

"Have you even been kissed before?" Kakashi wondered out loud and the boy shook his head. Kakashi sighed at this. He had fingered the kid without even asking...what sort of monster was he?

"You can't sleep with someone before you've ever been kissed." Kakashi paused for a moment as he considered his options. "May I kiss you?" Kakashi asked, voice dropping as he studied the boy.

"You may." Itachi breathed, watching Kakashi's every move. Kakashi moved forward slowly, brushing Itachi's hair from his face as he lips moved to press against Itachi's in a tender kiss. Itachi's lips were soft, Kakashi gently ran his tongue along Itachi's bottom lip, coaxing him to open it. Itachi did so, easily following Kakashi's lead. He tasted sweet, like tea and honey. He kissed shyly, tongue not moving until Kakashi's entered his mouth. His eyes slowly closed and he allowed the elder to take control of the kiss, leaning against him and slowly wrapping his arms around the man's shoulders. Kakashi's hands moved to position Itachi better in his lap, the boy straddled him, lost in the kiss.

"No no," Kakashi hummed. "Slow down a bit, just relax." Itachi caught on quickly, and Kakashi nearly forgot that it was a child he was kissing. He cupped the back of Itachi's head, lips moving against the Uchiha's. When he pulled back, prepared to trail his lips down Itachi's throat, he caught himself.

Itachi remained in his grip, eyes closed and mouth partially open as he caught his breath. Kakashi's thumb gently stroked down Itachi's cheek.

"Lay back." Kakashi instructed and Itachi did so. He spread his legs to allow Kakashi more room, his hands moving to rest on his chest. Kakashi poured a generous amount of lubricant onto his cock, stroking himself, hoping to keep it hard. Itachi lay quietly beneath him, eyes fixed on the ceiling and fingers stiff. There was no pretending that Itachi really wanted to be here. He was terrified. Kakashi breathed through his nose, hand moving to brace himself over Itachi. The boy moved his head, dark eyes finally moving to meet Kakashi's. Kakashi rarely had the chance to see Itachi's eyes without the Sharingan. He looked younger without them activated. It reminded him of Obito in a way. All Uchihas seemed to have these bottomless dark eyes, but while Obito's eyes were filled with warmth and excitement, Itachi's were usually cautious…or right now…fearful.

This wasn't a willing excited lover under Kakashi. This was a twelve year old boy who had no one to turn to…and this knowledge tore at Kakashi. He brushed his silver bangs from his face, eye locked on Itachi's as he finally released a defeated sigh.

"I can't do it," Kakashi suddenly croaked, squeezing his eyes shut. "Itachi...I can't..." He pulled away just as Itachi sat up. Kakashi fell back, face buried in his hands as he attempted to control his breathing. The boy reached forward and gently pulled Kakashi's hands from his face.

"It's okay, Kakashi, It's alright." He was comforting Kakashi when he would be the one that would have to suffer for Kakashi's failure. The man leaned against the boy's shoulder and Itachi wrapped his arms around him soothingly. Kakashi could have gotten lost in that comforting hold. He was failing Obito's little cousin. Why couldn't he just...it was just one little thing and he couldn't do it. The Copy nin dragged his blanket forward and draped it around Itachi's shoulders. He tucked itachi up like a child, smoothing his hair back.

"I'll talk to the Hokage." Kakashi rambled, trying to assure the Uchiha. "I'll stop this." Kakashi would do whatever it took to stop the mission. He would go to the Hokage and plead his case. Itachi was too young to face this burden, surely the Hokage understood that. Itachi suddenly moved forward and threw his arms around Kakashi's shoulders in a shocking sign of emotion, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

"Thank you." He whispered. Kakashi wondered if he was thanking him for saying he would go to the Hokage or thanking him for not sleeping with him.

"You're even more honorable than I could have hoped for." Then why did Kakashi feel like the lowest of scum? Kakashi hugged the boy back, and for an instant they were not nin of Konoha, they were not ANBU. They were simply two broken people who were spiraling.

"I'll stop this Itachi, I swear." Itachi didn't reply, instead thanking Kakashi for trying. He left soon after.

The next morning when Kakashi had gone to the Hokage to try to appeal to him about Itachi, he was horrified to learn that Itachi had been sent out a day early. Danzo had wanted him to get there early to prepare himself for the...meeting. He was already gone. When Shisui returned that evening, it was Kakashi who went to him and told him what was happening. He wondered if Danzo had purposely sent Itachi out before Shisui could have reached him. Shisui would have helped Itachi. Shisui would have pushed away his own reservations if it meant helping his cousin…

Four days later, Itachi returned to a village that felt a little less like home. Kakashi spotted him as he was heading home from patrol. The boy's steps were as graceful as ever, but to a trained eye like Kakashi, he caught the slight hesitation and the stiffness as the boy moved. This left a bitter taste in Kakashi's mouth. He strode forward, steps hurried as he made his way over to the Uchiha. Itachi lifted his head at his Captain's approach.

"Kakashi-Senpai." Itachi greeted softly. He crossed his arms over his chest, almost protectively. Kakashi shifted from foot to foot.

"Itachi..." He began. What would he say? I'm sorry I couldn't stop this? I'm sorry I didn't help. It seemed Itachi could read his thoughts because he offered his Captain a kind but strained smile, looking ancient and young all at once. "Come have tea with me." Kakashi suddenly offered, wanting to help Itachi in anyway he could. Itachi's eyes lit up at the offer, obviously knowing what Kakashi was trying to do. _Have tea with me, I'll buy you all the dango in the shop. Just talk to me…_ Itachi finally turned away with a little shake of his head.

"I can't linger, Senpai. Danzo-sama has another mission lined up for me." He explained softly and Kakashi's brows slowly furrowed.

"No..." Kakashi breathed as he caught exactly what Itachi meant. The boy nodded grimly.

"He was impressed with my results...said I was a natural," Itachi's voice wavered at the part and he cleared his throat. "I am to meet with this new client this evening." Danzo had...Itachi was...nothing made sense and Kakashi felt faint.

"It's illegal." Kakashi weakly argued. Itachi smiled bitterly and lifted his head to stare up at the cloudy night sky.

"You know nothing is too much for Danzo-sama. I am at his disposal." This was not the twelve year old from a week ago. This was now a hardened nin, his final innocence stripped from him. There was nothing left to save.

"Your father-" Kakashi began and Itachi shook his head.

"My father can't know of this. He knows of the first mission, but he can't know that I am still continuing with this. You can't tell him."

 _You owe me at least this._ Was the silent plea. Kakashi stared at him for a long moment and Itachi finally bowed, saying he had to see Danzo. He left Kakashi standing alone in the street, a lump forming in his throat. This was just another failure to add to his list.

 _I'm sorry…_

* * *

"He needed my help, and I couldn't do it," Kakashi murmured, staring out the same dingy window he had all those years ago. He could feel Sasuke's eyes on him. "I couldn't take that last bit of childhood away from him, even if it was just going to be robbed from him anyway."

"You didn't want to take advantage of him." Sasuke finally managed, voice weak. Part of him wanted to rage at Kakashi for leaving his brother to his fate, for not doing what Itachi had asked…but Sasuke was tired. Tired of hating and tired of being angry. Being angry and hating would not bring Itachi back.

"He was going to be taken advantage of anyway...I could have been a kinder first." Kakashi's voice trailed off. Sasuke closed his eyes, breathing sharply through his nose. There was nothing Sasuke could do for Itachi. Not anymore. He would spend the rest of his life nursing this wound and it seemed that Kakashi had his own demons with Itachi to deal with. "I could have just slept with him. It wouldn't have changed anything. Itachi still would have been forced to go through with the mission, but at least he could live with the knowledge that he had his first experience with someone of his choosing. It would have spared him some pain...but I didn't do it. I couldn't."

"And you would have spent the next decade hating yourself for having sex with him. There was no way to come out of the situation happily. Danzo never would have allowed it." Danzo's name was filth on his lips. Kakashi grimaced at the mention of the name, hate flashing in his eyes. He looked towards the window.

"For the longest time, I wondered if I could have done something. That my failure to help him was only a tipping point towards the massacre...even with everything out in the open, I wish I could have done more for him."

"So do I." Sasuke truthfully replied, hand reaching into his pocket and running his thumb over Itachi's necklace. He had managed to grab Itachi's items from the Akatsuki base and he kept the forehead protector at his side and Itachi's necklace in his breast pocket, always close but not enough. He didn't thank Kakashi for telling him and the elder had not expected him to. Kakashi stood from the table.

"You want a drink?" Kakashi offered and Sasuke tilted his head, nodding. He could feel a migraine approaching.

"I could use one." He managed roughly. Kakashi rummaged through the fridge, grabbing two beers and handed one to Sasuke before heavily plopping in the chair across from him and taking a deep gulp of the cold beer. They did not speak as they drank. There was nothing that they could or wanted to speak of. Nothing that could be said.


End file.
